If it's love, it's eternal.

Manjeeth Singh was brought inside the ICU in a stretcher, half conscious, screaming in pain. He pressed his stomach hard, moaning loudly. The ward boy and the nurses around him were used to such events, and stayed calm. Hundreds of people like him were treated in K.J. Hospital everyday. It wasn't anything new to them. He was suffering from colo-rectal cancer, last stage. His rectal bleeding had exceeded all the limits, and the pain it caused was unbearable. He had drastically lost weight over the last few months. His death sentence was pre-written.Although he took a long time to digest the fact that he wasn't going to live for a long time, and the disease he had was incurable, he took it as a challenge. But now, as he lay in the ICU awaiting for his treatment, his body seemed weak and fragile. 

Dr. Sakshi Gupta, who had been an oncologist in K.J Hospital, Mumbai got a call from Dr. Santhosh Rao, Mangalore. Dr. Santhosh was Manjeeth's family doctor back in Mangalore, and as Manjeeth was in Mumbai, Dr. Santhosh knew that there was no one other than Dr. Sakshi who could manage to keep him alive for a few more months.

As the duty doctor walked into Dr. Sakshi's cabin to call her for Manjeeth's treatment, she ran towards the ICU. It was only once she reached the ICU, that she recognized a face she'd known all her life. The only difference, the once handsome face looked more like a skeleton now. His jaw bones were visible, and he looked like malnourished kid. Tears started rushing through her eyes. The always calm and composed Sakshi was shivering in horror. It was the same guy who had loved her all her life. She had rejected him in order to build her career. She burst out crying in front of the co-doctors and the nurses. Controlling her tears was impossible now. The rest of the doctors continued the operation, as she was taken out of the ICU. One of her co-doctors tried to console her, but to no avail. 

After the operation, when he gained consciousness, he saw something that pleased his eyes. It was delightful. Something, he never thought would ever happen in this life. Dr. Sakshi , no, HIS Sakshi was sitting next to him, her eyes swollen with dark circles around them. It was evident from her appearance that she'd been crying the whole night. She hugged him, breaking into tears, yet again. She hugged her tight. 

'Don't leave me, Sakshi.', he softly said. 

'I wouldn't. I love you, idiot.' she replied.

'I am glad that this dying man's wishes came true.' he said laughing. And he started coughing after that. 

'Don't you ever say that.' she looked at him in anger keeping her hand over his lips. 

She was too late to realize the fact that she loved him. But I am glad, she realized it. And thus, his love story ended on a happy note for him. But for her?

Two months later, Manjeeth passed away. She stopped working for almost a week. But then, she got busy treating her patients, just like she was before. The only difference being, now she missed him. She still loved him.

And as she was leaving for her place after a long day at work, she smiled looking at the name plate on her door. 

Dr. Sakshi Singh, it was. 

- Rounak Nayak.

HAPPINESS IS LOVING SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU.

As you go pondering on what exactly is love, you might find weird and varied thoughts about love that would puzzle you to the core, causing an imbalance in your brain. 

Just a few days back, they were the best of friends, and it was her happiness that mattered to him the most. Although, he was overprotective about her, and more possessive than her boyfriend, if she had one, he never had any such feelings for her that a guy would have for his girl. She was all but his best friend. Nothing more than that. He cared for her. He loved her, and was concerned about the smallest mistakes she did. 

As time passed by, his feelings changed. He fell for her one night when alcohol ran through his blood. She fell for him, too. But she realized it wasn't love when she got back to her senses the next morning. He certainly couldn't get back to his senses. Bloody alcohol. No, bloody him.

It's only then, his unconditional love for her turned narrow, and he started expecting from her. Expectations lead to sorrows. And the river of sorrow was awaiting a flood of sorrows in his life. From her happiness, now it was his selfish desire to have her in his life. He wanted her to be his. Forever.

It was etched in some corner of his brain that she loved him, too, but it was a preconceived notion and not the reality. The reality was too harsh for him to handle.

Initially, he wanted her to be happy, and he wouldn't mind selecting the best of guy for her after making the guys go through a bloody tough loyalty test. But now? He was being a selfish loser. He believed that he could keep her happy, when her happiness belonged elsewhere. He couldn't see more than what he wanted to see. 

Happiness is loving someone who doesn't give a shit about you, read a post from 'The Happy Page'. Well, that's not happiness. That's stupidity. And for stupid people like him, who always get attracted to people who don't give a shit about him, inspite of there being hundreds of others who would be dying to be with him, it's actually happiness. Stupidity for stupid people is no doubt, happiness. But how long can you be happy loving someone who doesn't give a shit about you? A day, a week, a month, a year? A decade? Or forever? Well, forever sounds sweet and the certainly the purest form of love, but at the same time, it's the stupidest thing to do, no matter if the mere existence of that person is a source of joy for you. 

Maybe, it's just a distorted form of love. Maybe, it's not love at all. Maybe, they are meant to be the best of friends, for some people make better friends than couples. Maybe, it's all meant to be. 

That shitty feeling we call love!

It's just the bloody idiotic, stupid and shitty yet sweet and wonderful feeling that creeps into your heart in due course of a conversation, that we end up calling love as we are coerced to because of the surroundings. May it be the movie you watched last night or the novel you've currently been reading, it is the sole culprit behind feeding this idea into your empty piece of curved substance which rests on the extreme top of your face. How can we call some random feeling love when we ourselves don't know what it feels like to be in love or to be loved. Attraction to infatuation and lust, everything seems to be love to a moronic idiot hit by the virus. 

Frankly, it's much more infectious and vulnerable than the virus that causes AIDS. A massive youth of the country is suffering from heartbreak and people say heart attack is scary? Can't they just open their eyes to see the people whining about their past love and how they were ditched or dumped? Or do they think everyone has been trying the sympathy trick to score a partner and get into their pants?

Everyone tries defining love and these days I see a lot of people talking about it on the radio and reality shows advising people how to cope up with love from their own screwed up experiences. But deep down, they are themselves searching for the true meaning of love. In this era where love is sold by the Indian authors at around 100 bucks and foreign authors for a slightly expensive price, there are hypocrites who still deny believing in love, but at the corner of their brain, they are still waiting for that special someone to come into their lives. 

But this sweet little spice apparently called love which may or may not be love enters into your mind like a bomb thrown by some terrorist group which even Major Samar Anand cannot dispose off and ruins your entire life and destroys your friendship if the person you assume to love is your best friend.

Nothing appears to be the same once this bomb of love explodes in your life leaving every part of your body burning and your heart broken into a thousand pieces. Not even the friendship you once shared. But no matter how harsh the consequences could be, you still go ahead with it, because it has effect over your nonsensical brain more than that of a bottle of rum. No matter how broken you'd be, you still make attempts to get destructed again. Well, that's the irony of life.

Well, the darker side of love still seems brighter than the candle light dinner you've ever had? I salute you, then. 

So, the point is, no matter how messy it is, always be in love. Bullshit. That's what Ayushmaan says. Keep calm and write about love. You may some day find it when a person you don't even know or haven't even met reads what shit you've written about that shitty feeling and falls for you. Well, for me? Love is injurious to my health. I should stay away from love, even if the Ted Mosby in me is too desperate to find the love of my life and the would be mother of my kids. 

The Lone Traveller.

I stand here, at the Kannur railway station leaning against a pillar, that has a charging socket, trying to plug in my phone which constantly displays ‘Connect the charger’. Once, I am done connecting the charger, I stand looking around aimlessly. As I wait for my train to arrive, I look around to notice a bunch of students laughing over some funny joke, some couples mush up, some children who fake a cry to catch their parents attention to buy them something or the other, and a lot more. A few of those sights are pleasurable and soothe my eyes and turn me nostalgic, while the rest daunt me, turning me bleak and depressed. 

I look around, and a drop of tear escapes my eyes. Journeys have consistently and repeatedly played a crucial role in moulding me as a person, and it holds paramount significance in shaping my character. No matter how protracted or short the journey would be, the change that the journey would induce in me would be inevitable. Every journey transforms me into a better person. From answering my inmost unanswered and baffling questions to solving my mysterious problems, it would do it all. And there have been times, I have been extremely lucky to meet the best of people in the course of travelling. Those people would say things that would somehow change my mindset regarding certain concepts I've been stubborn about.
To be precise, journeys have always been helpful and considerably important part of my life, and I wish the same from this journey.

Hearing the announcement about the arrival of my train, I unplug the charger, and roll it and keep it in my bag. I make myself ready to get into the train. Mangalore isn't far from here. It’s just 2 hours. But I hope these two hours change my life forever. This journey would probably be one of my shortest journey, but I have faith in my destiny, and myself, that I would benefit myself through this journey. 

As I am sitting on the window seat, snatching it from a fellow passenger, I realize how beautiful life is, as the raindrops start hitting my face hard, and I close the emergency window. There are a couple of students sitting next to me, talking in Malayalam, so I am unable to understand what they talk. I laugh at a joke of theirs which I somehow understand, thanks to my Malayali ex-girlfriend. And thus, the introduction begins, and the conversation starts. And what happens next? Too much of fun. Total fun. 

As long as you’re having fun, what change do you wish to seek? 

Lucky me! :D

I sat below the banyan tree in my college campus, restlessly writing my assignment which I had to submit three days back. I'd crossed the deadline as usual and I was a bit dubious of completing it even today. There were more than hundred pages to be written, and I was the only one left to submit the assignment. I was in despair, and the anguish of not completing my assignment was writ all over my face.

Just then, I saw Niyathi passing by my side, stopping to look at me in my worst state. She was the 'Scholar Naina' but she never talked to any guy, and thought a little too much about herself. But, she was beautiful. In fact, irresistible. I acted like writing my assignment, although I had been glancing at her through the corner of my eyes. She probably noticed that, as I wondered why she stood for so long looking at me when I was panicking over my incomplete assignment.

'You want me to write it for you?', she asked sweetly.

'Uh, yeah, I wouldn't mind if that's fine by you.', I said somehow unable to believe that she had agreed to write my assignment when I didn't even ask her to. She was not even a friend of mine.

Whatever it was, I was happy about the fact that my assignment would be complete in no time, and even happier at the fact that Niyathi, the hot nerdie of our college herself asked me if she could write my assignment when there were hundreds of guys who kept insisting her to write theirs. 

Sometimes, it's just your lucky day.

The girl who never believed in love!

Love was something unknown to Kavya. She'd never been in love. But, he still tried hard to flirt with her, although she was extremely busy working on her patient. She kept quiet although his intermittent flirting was pissing her off. It was getting on her nerves. She slapped him hard in front of all the patients the very next instant he tried flirting. 

He smiled, and left the dull general ward of the Hospital which was suffocating him now. 

And after a while, she felt bad about whatever took place there in the general ward. She left the general ward to apologize to him, as the patients were looking at her in horror. She reached his cabin too late to find him there. She made her way to the parking expecting him to leave after that embarrassing incident. 

But what she saw in the basement parking lot was disgusting. He was busy making out with a hot female intern. She wasn't remorseful anymore. She was glad about what she'd just done. He had proved her right. She lost hope in what she never believed. She realized that love looks beautiful only in movies and novels. She felt an urge to cry, but she managed to control her tears. She herself didn't know why she wanted to cry. She never liked him at the first place. 

Just then, someone tapped her shoulders. It was her patient, Rehaan.

'Coffee?' he asked. 

'Sure', she replied, managing to smile in spite of the tears welling up in her eyes.

And they headed to the coffee day which was on the ground floor of the Hospital. 

My Family.

I was having my breakfast at a nearby restaurant at 11 am, it being a lazy Sunday, when I saw a family on the next table. 

The two kids were fighting over something, hitting each other very hard as their parents repeatedly asked them to behave properly in public. 

I smiled to myself turning nostalgic , reminding myself of how I used to fight with my brother and how our parents would say the same thing. I realized I was missing my brother, and my parents. 

Just as I looked at the kids united when their parents scolded them, their father looked at me, and we smiled at each other. 

My family stays miles away from me. After breakfast, I headed to the railway station and booked k ticket to my hometown. Yo, I was missing my viva voce and going to meet my family, because I was missing them.

You should be ready to do anything for you family for they are the one who stand by you when no one else does. They're the people who'll hug you tight when people leave you alone. They accept you the way you are. 

Love is the answer.

Some people turn literally crazy and end up screwing their life, torturing themselves and wasting the most precious gift they have after they lose the person they loved the most. 

Santhosh had no reason to live after his previous break up, and he tried everything possible which he never did before, to heal the pain. From alcohol to cigarettes to drugs. He did everything. He wasn't that kind of a person. But the circumstances were such that he found solace in these unwanted substances.

One fateful day when was lying on the footpath after gulping down bottles of Rum(yes, gulping down. Not drinking), a saint wearing a dhoti came across him.He sat next to Santhosh. Santhosh was stunned to see this person when he got back to his senses. 

As he lit his cigarette, the saint told him 'There's no drug, no alcohol, no cigarette that can ever reduce your pain. You have two options. IT'S EITHER LOVE THAT CAN HEAL YOUR BROKEN HEART OR ITS DETACHMENT.'

Santhosh looked at the saint, enlightened, as the saint stood up and walked away smiling at the baffled boy. 

Should I text her or not?

It happens that when you truly like a person, you think a million times even before texting that person. It’s a natural tendency. That shows you really like the person. Every time your phone beeps, your heart skips a beat. Most often, it turns out to be someone else and not the person you assumed or anticipated it to be. And every time you see that the sender is not who you expected it to be, your face droops, clearly depicting your sadness.

Every time you see her Whatsapp profile which says ‘online’ or ‘last seen online a minute ago’, you feel a strong urge to text her, but you keep yourself from texting her thinking of what she would think about you. What if she finds you desperate? What if she is annoyed by your texts? What if she thinks you are trying to flirt with her? There are so many questions that crop up in your shitty head which hinder you from texting her.

But it’s for you to figure out what you have to do, for you are the master of your fate, and you are the captain of your soul. I don’t remember who said the above line, but someone did. But what I want to say is it’s entirely up to you if you want to make the first move. Had you been flirting around, you’d have easily texted her, ignored her texts in order to make her crave for you. She would in turn get attracted to you. But it’s different when you truly, honestly and genuinely love the person and cannot afford to lose her because of your silly and immature behavior.

Well, when you face such a dilemma, you should just do what you feel like doing. If you’re a guy, what are you waiting for? You should text first. She might even be waiting for your text. You never know. She would be pertaining to the thought that she’s a girl and she shouldn't be texting first, but should rather wait for your text. So, just go ahead and text her. Make sure you don’t keep on bugging her if she isn't responding. It shows desperation and you might end up as someone who is boring and needy. I know you feel the urge to text instantly when she texts you, but taking some time isn't a bad idea.

And if you’re a girl, and you are waiting for him to text you first, boooom, it’s 2013. There’s no harm in texting him first. It isn't a sin. 
You can always make the first move. He wouldn't think you are desperate or you badly want him. It would come out as just a friendly text if you keep it so. And if the guy doesn’t respond, screw him; there are too many fishes in the sea(including me  ). And if he takes time to reply, try doing the same. It’s a different thing that people wait for replies and sleep off when one really gets a reply. And the next morning, you are frustrated because you slept off while you’d got such a beautiful reply from him/her. 

So, what are you waiting for? Go text that person! 

P.S-I would be waiting for her text, although I am sure I wouldn't be receiving any. 

THERE'S NO AGE BAR IN LOVE!

Samrat had a huge crush on Ameeka. Although Ameeka was two years senior to him, he couldn't stop thinking about her for even two minutes. He always kept saying that there's no age bar in love, and that justified his feelings for her. 

Although they spent quite some time together, he never understood the fact that it was tough for her to think of him as something more than a friend. Because, she knew people would make up stories about her for dating a guy younger to her. 

One fine day, when she was explaining him a chapter from Neuro anatomy, she noticed him staring at her instead of listening to her explanation. 

"What's wrong with you?", She asked irritated. 

"You." He replied abruptly. 

"Shut up and listen to the explanation." She said.

"I think I have a crush on you." He said, smiling yet nervous. 

"And I think you should flush the crush, for I am two years elder to you." She said as it was hard for her to turn him down. 

She knew that she liked him, too. But the age barrier and the society seemed to be a trouble to her. 

"That means you like me, too? Right?" He gave a naughty smile. 

"I don't know, but you are younger to me and there's no possible way we can be together." She said.

"Say it once that you don't love me, and I will flush the crush in my toilet" He said, being a little confident of her love for him. 

"I don't love you." She replied biting her teeth, and closing her eyes. 

"Why are your fingers crossed?" He asked. 

And they smiled. 

Some love stories are beautiful in their own ways. You just need to give people a chance. Balls to the society, and the people. People talk, and will always continue to. You just need to do what your heart says. And you however don't live ti impress the people or follow what they say. You live for yourself. Live your life your way! 

LOVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND, AND YOUR BOOK!

After an hour long conversation with his girlfriend at 2 in the morning, he got back to his Electronic Devices and Circuits book. Engineering was tough, and of lately, he had been spending too much of time with his girlfriend than his books. It was the first time he ever had a girl in his life, so we can't really blame him. 

As he tried reading a few paragraphs, his mind was still recollecting the conversation he just had with his girl. It had been an hour and he was still on the same page, smiling like an idiot. Then, he sleep took over him. No matter how much this sleep deprived creature cared for and loved his books, his sleep had taken over him, and he dozed of over the book he was reading, and some other Engineering books scattered on his bed.

It was 4 when his mother saw him sleeping over the books, certainly tired of studying the entire night. He looked very adorable to his mother as he slept over his books. She slowly picked those books and placed them on the table. She opened the blanket and put it over him. 

He woke up to that. But he acted like he was sleeping. As his mom left the room, he felt guilty. He realized how much his parents cared for him, and how he had been wasting all their efforts and money on some girl instead of building his career. He remembered how bright a student he was. He switched on the lights and started studying. 

Well, this was not a post about love, but just about how a relationship could ruin your career if you don't maintain a balance between your studies and relationship. I know, your boyfriend or girlfriend is more appealing than your boring text books, but if you ever wish to keep them happy with all the riches, it is your education that will help you to do that. 

So, love your girlfriend and your BOOKS! 

THE CUTE COUPLE.

Most of the time, when I am single, couples annoy me disturbing my mindset, but last night, as I was returning back to Mangalore from Goa, I came across a couple in the bus I was travelling in who were probably of my own age whom I found really cute. I don't usually say that, but if I do, I mean it. 

As the bus took a halt at a restaurant across the Karnataka border for dinner, the couple got down from the bus, and started walking towards the restaurant holding hands. They even hugged each other at times. And for the first time, Public Display of Affection didn't annoy or disturb me. In fact, I found it sweet. Maybe, because I could see true love in their eyes for each other. Ah, they way the looked each other wasn't any less than Ram and Leela staring deep into each other's eyes. 

I managed to walk upto their table and strike up a conversation although it took me some time to think about it if I should or shouldn't. 

"You guys look really cute together". I said after a few initial introductory dialogues. 

"We remind you of your past, don't we?" The guy asked me stuffing his mouth with the Roti and curry.

"Well, not exactly. You guys remind me of my future." I replied, smiling, and getting up from the table to move into the bus. 

BEING UGLY ISN'T A CRIME.

Ever since I was born in the year 1992, I had been single all my life. I know it is surprising for people like you who might be of my age but dated a few. And the studs reading this, please don't laugh at me before reading my story.

Well, to begin with, I am Rounak and I have always been an undistinguished part of the crowd with my ordinary features appealing none around me. People passing by me never turn around to have a second look at me. I am not as appealing as most of the people reading this. If I ever chose to organize my swayamvar, I am sure there wouldn't be a single girl ready to marry me, let alone the competition amongst the girls. And add on to that, my inferiority complex and introvert nature makes it worse. Basically, I am what you would call ugly. Well, some do it on my face, and some wait for me to pass by, and then comment on my ugliness.

And for a person like me, understanding the fact that someone just called me ugly in their eye to eye talk with another person isn't a big deal, but facing it is. I feel bad about it.

Niharika, Angad and I had been pretty good friends since our 6th grade, and right now, all of us had been pursuing law in the same college. Niharika and Angad always had a thing for each other, or maybe, I felt so. Angad is what every girl dreams of. Just the perfect combination of Ranbir and Shahid. And in contrast, I am not even slightly good looking as I already said. And Niharika? She is the most beautiful girl I've come across till date. Oh yes, more beautiful than my crush, Deepika. And to be frank, ever since I met Niharika, I knew that I was in love with her. The kind of love where you know that you love someone but can never have them in your life. I had always been too cautious while talking to her. I never let her think for once that I had feelings for her.

On the other hand, Angad would often tell me that she's in love with him, and she'd ask him out someday. I would be confused wondering if he used to say so to hide the fact that they are dating or it was actually true. He didn't know about my feelings for her, but he had a strong intuition that she belonged to him.

I had accepted the fact that she would prefer him over me anyday. In fact, it was a lost battle. Well, there was no battle at all as you need two for the same. Here, it was only Angad. And however, a beautiful girl like her would never look good with a guy as ugly as me. But why me? Is it my mistake that god made me like this? At times, I hate him for making me the way I am. But what the heck? Aren't we supposed to love ourselves the way we are? If we don't, then how will others do?

So, one fine day, I decided to confess my feelings to her and finish it off, for once and all. The three of us were at a Coffee shop when I pulled out the rose from my bag, got on to my knee and asked her out saying my well rehearsed line.

"Niharika, I know I am nowhere like the guy you'd have imagined your prince charming to be like. I know of the dreams you'd have had. I know for a girl as beautiful as you, I am too ordinary a guy to be with. Moreover, I know of the guys in the queue to get you. I know they are amazing and I am certainly ugly in front of them. But one reason I'd give you to be with me is I'd love till the oceans turn dry. I'd love you till tom catches Jerry. I'd love you till Salman Khan gets married. I'd love you till my last breath. I'd love you till eternity." I said holding the rose in my right hand, moving it towards her.

"I love you too, idiot." she replied with tears in her eyes, and my world was complete.

"How can you love him? I am the one, Niharika. He isn't even one fourth as good looking as me. In fact, he is dumb. He is the abode of clumsiness. Are you so blind?" said Angad instantly.

"Shut up, Angad. Dare you say a word against Rounak. Another word, and I'll ask you to get lost. It's not the outer beauty, but the beauty of the heart that matters. And I've seen that in him. I'm glad to have him. And for me, he is the most charming person on earth." she shot back at him in anger.

And that meant a lot for me. I was smiling inside. I realized that although he hadn't given me looks like Angad, he'd given me a heart that Angad could never have. I thanked god for making me the way I am. Trust me guys. Being ugly isn't a crime, after all. We are beautiful in our own ways. 

BEING SINGLE BY CHOICE!

As she sipped her coffee, she looked at her friends who were cuddling their guys on the couch openly. She thought they should get a life. Public Display of Affection, especially in front of the singles around wasn't the right thing to do. It invokes awkwardness amongst the singles witnessing it. 

But somewhere deep down, she knew that she was the one who needed to get a life. How long could she survive without that special someone. Albeit she didn't had anyone in her life till now, she had never felt that tinge of jealousy looking at people around as she assumed it to be a waste of time. But the fact remained to herself that she was scared of a relationship. She wondered what if she accepted any of the guys hitting on her, and then he turns out to be the wrong guy? 

It was just the peer pressure that was conjuring such feelings in her. She wanted to date someone just because her friends were dating, and it seemed appealing to her now. 

After a while, she laughed out loud in front of her friends who were busy snuggling against their boyfriends. 

When they asked her why she was laughing, she said she recalled a joke. She said that she had to leave as she had to finish some work. She called her best friend, Arpit, and told him about whatever happened. 

He laughed at it, and asked her not to hop into conclusions of dating, just looking at the people around. She smiled to herself. She looked at her facebook messages from guys who were desperate about her. 

She smiled, yet again. She was proud of herself because she didn't give up to the peer pressure. 

When a player falls in love! :D

LOVE is unpredictable. It happens between the most unexpected people at the most unexpected times at the most unexpected places you can ever imagine. Trust me. Everyone seems to have fallen in love at one point of time in their life. When you think of her all the time. When you can't think of her in your bathroom, because she means something more than that. That pure feeling. But, seriously? Have they? Or it’s just an assumption where you consider infatuation or attraction to be love? Well, I wouldn't really go about it here. I’ll let you think over it and come to your own conclusions.

But, once in your life, if you are very lucky, you’ll meet that person who divides it into the time before you met her, and the time after. And if you do meet such a person, grab hold of that person and never let that person go. Because she might be the one. You never know.

Well, my case is a little different. The flirt, playboy and ass-hole tag I've got is a little difficult to be erased so easily. So, I would never take the risk of enlightening her of my feelings. Too risky. Remember Khushi? The fictitious character from my story, who’s supposedly my dream girl. There exists a girl who has all the qualities of Khushi in her. But, I just don’t want her to know about my feelings for her.

And it’s all weird and different this time. Every time I see her online on Whatsapp, I get tempted to text her. I crave to ping her, but I stop myself thinking of the consequences. I have never stopped myself from telling someone of my feelings for them ever before. But this time, it’s different. I just can’t. Call me a coward, but I don’t have enough courage to lose her.

All I have of her, is the memories. Those sweet memories how the hatred turned into friendship, and friendship into love. Her loosely left wet black hair that smells real good, whichever her shampoo was. Her intelligence. Her focus on my boring and ‘awesome’ stories. Her smile. Her eyes. Her expressions. Fuck, I miss her. I wish I could rewind a little. I wish I could go back in time and be with her.

I wish I was never tagged as a flirt. I wish I was never into dating before. I wish I could be her first guy, and the last. I wish she could be my last girl. I wish we could fall in love. I wish we were made for each other.

How I wish.