Perched on the couch outside the doctor’s cabin, I was calmly reading ‘The Fault in our stars’ when a pretty girl passed by me. I glanced at her and got back to reading my book, as I always found it interesting no matter how many times I’ve read it. She sat across me, but I was so engrossed reading the book that I didn’t even look at her.
As I read the book further, I was peeing in my pants. It was the story of Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters, both suffering from different kind of cancers. I clutched my reports tight, wondering if I should open them once. My curiosity elevated my pulse. I closed the book, and sat noticing the patients strolling around. Some patients gawked at me, astonished to see a kid waiting outside the oncologist’s cabin. I smiled at random people I found looking at me. Some of them smiled back while the rest wondered if I was at the wrong place. Thank God, they didn’t walk up to me to tell me that it wasn’t a mental hospital.
‘Rounak Nayak’, I heard the nurse’s voice.
I contemplated the nurse for quite sometime, as I stood up. She might have thought that the poor kid is checking me out, when all I was doing was wondering if she called me or not. She called out my name again, and I barged inside the room, as she opened the door for me.
“Good morning, Doctor.” I greeted him, smiling.
“Good morning. So, you got all the reports?” he asked.
“Here, they are,” I handed it over to him.
My heart began to thump rapidly, depicting the anguish on my face that now looked constipated. It reminded me of one of those scenes from the Bollywood flicks where the actor goes to a doctor, where the doctor reveals to him that he’s suffering from Cancer, and he decides to keep it to himself, trying hard to make his loved ones hate him just because he doesn’t want to see them cry once he’s gone. How would he even see them crying once he’s gone?
I had asked mom not to come with me to the hospital in spite of her consistent demands to accompany me. And now, I felt like I’d done the right thing. After I googled the symptoms last night, like I do every night, I apprehended it to be cancer, although I was a little dubious of it now. I’d asked him not to perform colonoscopy on me, as I was fine with the blood test, urine test, stool test and the sonography. Sweet, as the doctor was, he’d agreed to what I’d said.
He looked into the reports, and as he did, his expressions freaked me out, leaving me anxious and disquiet. Maybe, he sensed my uneasiness, and asked me why I was standing. I sat facing him, my hand trembling, as I reached for the water bottle in my bag.
“Why didn’t your mom come with you, today?” he asked.
The question made me uncomfortable. I knew that the reports had something that he wouldn’t consider revealing to me.
“She was a little pre-occupied with her kitchen work, and a ride to Vapi would be too tiring for her, so I asked her not to join me.” I replied making it sound genuine.
“I don’t know how to say this to you…but” he started as I cut him off asking “Colo-rectal cancer isn’t it?”
“How do you know?” he asked surprised, looking straight into my eyes.
The marble floor seemed like a puddle of mud that dragged me beneath the earth. On the verge of tears, I smiled, and looked at him as he repeated his question.
“Well, I’ve been reading about it all day night ever since I’m being treated for the wrong ailment.” I said.
“I’m sorry, but you need to start your treatment soon. Although, I wouldn’t make fake promises of your survival,” He replied bluntly.
As I stood there, rest of his words fell on deaf ears as I was pondering too much on life and its meaning. Why me? Out of all the people? What mistake had I done? I mean, there are people who get wasted drinking and smoking. Why me, when I don’t do any of these?
What about my dreams? I wanted to be an Advocate, and now I stand here, in front of a doctor who’d written my death sentence. For a minute, I wanted to tell my parents, cry out loud, and give it up, but then, as the line from ‘Fault in our stars’ appeared in front of my eyes like a movie clip, I recalled that there’s nothing worse than seeing your kid biting cancer. I didn’t say a word, and left his cabin, my bag, still in his cabin. Leaving the elevator, I walked down the steps, started my bike, and reached the beach in no time.
I cried my heart out. Firstly, I decided I’d face this disease with a smile on my face. I’d live like everyday is my last day. It could be any day for me. I’d amend my mistakes and set things right. I’d apologize to people I’ve wronged to. But then, enlightenment dawned upon me that my parents have spent way too much on my education, and the moment they’d know about my disease, they’d spend all they have on my treatment. I knew what to in order to avoid them from doing so.
As walked into the sea, the calm yet composed sea, which would turn wild and violent soon, as the time would change. I felt cold as the extremely cold water touched my feet, yet I didn’t shudder or stop.
Grinning like an idiot, I looked at the sun, and the water was up to my chest. And in no time, I was engulfed by the water, which was about to take me to a different world. And everything went blank.
‘Rounak…Rounak...” I heard a feeble voice.
I felt someone pulling me out, as I resisted.
‘Rounak...wake up, you’ve to visit the doctor in sometime,’ said the same voice.
Wait. Mom?
And all of a sudden, the water drained away. I was sitting on my bed, breathing heavily. My mom asked me to brush my teeth and take a shower soon, as I’d to visit the oncologist.
I was shivering. My mom always said that the dreams you get early morning often come true.
I brushed my teeth, gaping at my own image in the mirror, as my mom chided me for wasting time in front of the mirror when I was already late to visit the doctor.
How could I tell her that I didn’t intend to visit the doctor anymore?
Dressing up to go to Vapi, I combed my hair, which I never did. Mom was surprised. I told myself that no matter what happens I wouldn’t put an end to my life, but I’d rather amend my mistakes and set things right. I’d stoop down to any level to seek forgiveness I’d keep people happy. I’d spend the remaining days laughing hard and making others laugh. I’d do things I always wanted to do, but I never did. And most importantly, irrespective of the results, I’d write a novel before I die.
As I sat outside his cabin, waiting for my name to be called out, I visualized my dream, freaking out. Trust me, I didn’t want to enter his cabin.
‘Rounak Nayak…” the nurse called out.
I briskly walked inside the cabin, smiling at the nurse.
After going through the reports, he smiled at me.
“It’s normal. Just Amoebiasis,” he said, further adding “Start taking the medicines I’d prescribed yesterday.”
And my world felt so light.
I rode my Pulsar 135 LS like BMW K 1200 R as I was going to watch Dhoom 3 with my friends. I reached ‘Big Cinemas’ and googled Amoebiasis while waiting for my friends, just to find that, every year, around 70,000 to 1,00,000 people die through out the world due to Amoebiasis.
Balls, I told myself, and realized how paranoid I’ve been throughout my life. I need to live it, and not believe google for every damn thing.
My friends turned up soon, and within no time, we were enjoying the plot-less entertainer.
“Kar na fikar tu kal ki, lutf le aaj ka;
Zindagi hai bas do pal ki, ek ek pal chura
Jee bhar ke jee le, jee le, gham dhuein mein uda
Dhoom macha macha macha!
Dhoom machale Dhoom machaale dhoom”
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